Why does it take St. Elmo's Fire and Mick Jagger to see I've hit rock bottom?

I am living in denial. Waiting for an absolution that will never come. I have to pass my exams, and pass them with the highest possible grade in order to not fail this year. I've already screwed myself up, maybe for life, but, as a very dear, nay, my best friend recently told me, I have two more years. Is that enough time? I can only make it work. I can't screw around anymore, that much is certain. Work must be my main priority, no more of this stupid "love" business. And TV will have to be cut out, it kills your brain anyway. I'll need to drill myself in math every day just to make it next year, and this year. The only videos I'll allow myself to watch are explanatory ones on math concepts. I have to keep to this resolve, and not let it go. I cannot, will not, let my Angel of Music down.