Imagine me with another face, telling different stories to different people...

I can't sleep.  And I have things that must be done in the morning. Well, later in the morning, I suppose. It's already technically morning, but still a long way from not-dark-o'clock. I'm trying very hard to not read my new book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, but it is proving to be a foe who fights dirty. I'm on chapter nine, because I know you care, and appear to be nearly halfway through the book. I don't like books that have very few chapters. Even if they're long ones. I still feel cheated. TFiOS has had me thinking some pretty serious things, such as the ever occurring question of whether I will be remembered, and if, in the whole big plan of it all, if my being remembered even matters. Also, NicePeter, an afore-mentioned YouTube stalk-y of mine, has not posted a promised Monday video. That makes me worry. And it usually helped make my usually crappy Mondays suck much less. I'm concerned for his well-being as much as I would that of a close friend's, because he has gotten me through several bad days, and because he seems like a genuinely kind and levelheaded person. And it is already half-way into the month of June and I haven't been outside NEARLY ENOUGH!! Nor have I been even close to the recommended amount of physical activity or diet. AND (I know I complain a lot. That's why I created this thing, to complain to!) my favorite music website, Playlist.com, is acting weird! So I've lost all of my playlists and, pathetically, can't remember certain artists or songs that I genuinely enjoyed listening to!! Well, I think I've covered all of the complaining bases, and, thank all that is holy, I'm beginning to tire! I'm off to attempt to catch some literaly and preverbial zs. Good morning starshine, the earth says hello.

Allons-y!

What is going on?

Apparently, things are happening with my browser and Blogger. So if you can, by some miracle, see this post, then I'm afraid it might be the last unless someone tells the browser and Blogger that they're both pretty. Oh well, guess we'll see soon enough!

Allons-y!

Ps, if this is my last post, thank you to those, if any, who bothered to read it. It helped me vent, which was it's purpose.

Why does it take St. Elmo's Fire and Mick Jagger to see I've hit rock bottom?

I am living in denial. Waiting for an absolution that will never come. I have to pass my exams, and pass them with the highest possible grade in order to not fail this year. I've already screwed myself up, maybe for life, but, as a very dear, nay, my best friend recently told me, I have two more years. Is that enough time? I can only make it work. I can't screw around anymore, that much is certain. Work must be my main priority, no more of this stupid "love" business. And TV will have to be cut out, it kills your brain anyway. I'll need to drill myself in math every day just to make it next year, and this year. The only videos I'll allow myself to watch are explanatory ones on math concepts. I have to keep to this resolve, and not let it go. I cannot, will not, let my Angel of Music down.

Sleep Does NOT Come Quickly to the Stressed

Is it not the worst of human flaws that when we are in the most need for rest that we find it the most difficult to do so? I believe it is.

I do have a lot on my mind, however, and that might have something to do with it.

Exams are within hours, and my entire academic future seems to weigh on them. So, I will be spending every walking moment from tomorrow morning to Sunday night studying. But tonight, just when I need rest, I find myself still wide awake at 1:00 AM! I enjoy the nighttime, but not when I would rather be sleeping.

Another reason I can't seem to catch a ride on a slumber cloud is because of all this, quite frankly crushing, loneliness. I am not alone, yet I feel isolated. How odd. I'm trying to keep myself distracted, but I am too clever for myself and I see right through my own efforts.

I'm very fortunate to have the friends that I do, because without them, I honestly have no clue where I would be. They put up with my ramblings almost as well as a blog does. But, blogs don't take you by the shoulders and tell you to GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! *SLAP* However much you might need it.

And then there are the relatives. Batsh!t crazy, the lot of them, and persistant to boot. They add ten times more stress than they're worth, just by being in the same room.

I knew bloging would make me feel better! I can feel my eyelids drooping, thank Goodness!

Goodnight, all of you still awake out there.
Allons-y!

Honey Badgers Made of Awesome

So, I don't know if anyone out there has seen the Honey Badger video on YouTube or if you are familiar with the VlogBrothers, but I'm just going to go out on a limb here and act like you haven't. In which case, the title of this blog makes no sense to you. And that it perfectly fine, I was once like you. You poor souls. Anyway, the Honey Badger is an animal badass, and the VlogBrothers are two brothers who vlog to keep in touch with each other. They are SCARY smart and just want to make the world a better place (or,as they put it,"decrease world suck."). Their following call themselves Nerdfighters, not because they want to fight nerds, but because they want to be warriors of awesome, the substance from which they are made. Just look them up on YouTube, although, Wikipidea has a pretty accurate definition (last time I checked, anyway).

This all relates, I sware.

Anyway, I learned today that apparently someone whom I have been nothing but kind to has a problem with me. At first I was mad, but then I remembered I was made of awesome, and therefore had a mission to focus on: Decreasing world suck! (And finding a Time Lord, but that story is for another day.) And I also remembered my new motto: Honey Badger don't care, Honey Badger don't give a shit! So, I felt better. End of story. Sorry it's rather short and trivial today. I'll have deeper stuff later.

And next time we meet, I must discuss why I (and aparently every guy I've ever known) thinks I'm a cold, heartless bitch. :)
Allons-y!

Yipes!

Goodness GRACIOUS! This week has been the longest week in a very long time. Luckily, something will come up to make it worth it.

There have been small things which have gotten me through each day so far. Today someone bought me chips today and it made me very happy. Happier than most people would have considered normal, but I'm very into pay-it-forward-ish acts of random kindness.

Reading, writing, and music have rekindled my strong desire for experience and escape. I have a few sentences of what sounds like the beginning of something, music which makes me want to run, and I've started reading a book called Into the Wild about a young man who went out into the world and did everything he wanted, until he died because of stupid, small mistakes. RAWR!

I have been given reason after reason to believe that I have a certain way with words. From FB and YouTube comments to school papers, people seem to like what I have to say. There is a certain common sense to it that most people seem to miss.
1) Correct Grammar. Leave them nothing to make fun of.
2) Look at other comments/statuses. If you have to say the same thing someone else did, say it uniquely.
3) Be funny, not stupid. 
4) Don't be unnecessarily rude. DON'T HATE. Never ends well.

That's about it. Kbye.

Allons-y!

April Showers better bring some damnn good flowers...

I had to drive through Biblical-reminiscent torrential rain the other day. It was both fun and terrifying.

Music will fill this month, starting with the film The Music Never Stopped about an amnesiac who recovers slightly through his favorite music. The next music filled experience is a music festival hallowed by many.

OOOH! And I have been working on a very interesting tale from the 1970s.  Not much more to say right now.


Allons-y!

Figured Out Why I've Been Moody...

Guess who's on her period??

That's right! It's me. And it sucks. I've never had mood swings or cramps this bad. Wow, it occurs to me that no one cares about my bodily functions. Whatever. No one reads this except for one person (hello again, unnamed for your protection friend!) and they know me well enough to know what I'm like.  (By the way, I need that book back, if you're done with it. It was awesome, wasn't it?)

I have decided to come up with my own personal WWJD kind of problem solving method. WWKOAD? (What Would Katniss or Alaska Do?) Katniss Everdeen, of course, from the Hunger Games, and Alaska Young from Looking For Alaska. Susan Collins and John Green. AKA, right up there with J.K. Rowling as Author Gods.


Katniss does everything she can to survive.
Alaska does everything she can to live.

So, when faced with a choice, all I will really need to decide anymore is if I want to be Katniss, at that moment, or Alaska. Just read the books. This will all make sense to you then.


Allons-y!

p.s. Falling back in love with Johnny Cash!

Untitled

I'm spiraling, again.

I'm sinking back to a place I don't want or need to go. And there's no real reason.

I feel empty and alone. Everyone sees but no one looks.

Luckily, I'm able to find solace in early 90's boy-band/punk-band/punk-boy/boy-punk music.

Weird thing is, that's what got me here in the first place. I just need to stay away from that one song. If I can go the night without it, I'll be ok.

Gosh, it's been forever, hasn't it? I haven't written in so long!  I've been working on a Van Gogh story, perhaps post segments? Why do I only blog when I'm sad or pissed off? Oh yeah, because I started this to vent, because no one I know can give me an iota of their time to talk about my problems.  That's cool.

Allons-y!

ps. HUNGER GAMES WAS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!

That is all.

And so...

As my Spring Break comes to a close, I have only one thing to say: I hate breaks. Everything goes to poop on breaks.

On a lighter note, I have officially crossed over from the Dark Side. I had the opportunity and motive to call up an ex to rescue me, but I didn't. And when things got even worse, I still didn't. I'm starting to put these sort of things into perspective. The relationships as a whole, and these small victories over myself.

I have decided that I'm going to read Tarzan of the Apes. I may or my not talk about it on here, depending on how revolutionary an idea I come up with. If I get something really good, I'll let you know. There is most likely no one other than the one person I know (hey, you!) reading this, but I don't care. I like having this outlet for my ramblings. If the Internet won't listen to me, no one will!


If I ever have children (which I really don't want right now), I should like to have at least two boys or one boy with two names. Yes, I want children just so I can name them. No, a pet is not the same! I love the name Bo, always have, even before I ever heard of Burnham. Don't look him up if you don't wish to be deeply offended on every level. But for those of you who don't care, he's really funny! Anyway, I just like Bo. And William. I had a virtual child named William and I grew attached to him. He was perfect. Seriously.


Ok, can't keep my eyes open anymore. More later, after I catch the elusive Zs of Dream Land.

Allons-y!

Ready, Set, GO!

Hello, People of the Internet.

As you may or may not know, there are some really evil people out there in the world today. I'm talking child-enslaving-making-people-live-in-constant-fear-some-would-rather-die-than-live-another-day-under-them, kind of evil. And as you may or may not also be aware, there is something you can do that no one else in the history of the world has ever been able to do, just because you are reading this now, today. You, Person of the Internet, can CHANGE HUMAN HISTORY! I mean it! Watch and share this video everywhere you can. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, here on Blogger, repost it on YouTube, arrange to show it at your school, email it to your technologically impaired Grandma,  I really don't care how you get it known, just so long as you do something. It's the click of a button, seriously! There is nothing simpler you could do.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc This is the YouTube link. Watch, please!

To Write Something Brilliant, One Must...

If anyone has something to fill in there, I would be thrilled. Seriously, I can't write anything all that great recently! I lack inspiration, I suppose. Also, I'm having technical difficulties. My laptop had a virus almost as bad as mine a while back, and since then, all of my MS Office software is gone! I'm going to have to fix that somehow or another, but until then, I've been living without! I miss being able to jot down the beginning or end of a story quickly and save it so I can go back to edit and add things later.

This sudden desire to write (and not just write, but write brilliantly) has come from a realization that I have been neglecting my brain for a very long time. It makes me sad that I don't strech my vocablulary now as a young adult than I did years ago as a small child. I need to stop saying what needs to be done and start DOING!

I have been thinking about taking up photography. Not just for the glamour of it, although that is appealing, but because I've never done it before. And I think that it might help me understand that side of journalism, and therefore help me decide if that is really what I want to do with my life. I have been weighing several career 'ideas' and dreams for most of my life, and journalism is one of them.

Speaking of careers, I need to pick a college! I've got several I like, and I'm of course applying to ALL THE COLLEGES, as one of my favorite Memes says, but I really need to make some decisions here!  Gosh darn it!

The world in general is both unbelievably beautiful and unimaginably messed up. History has taught us the latter, but the news teaches us the former. Even then, sometimes one must stop and remember what is really important to you yourself, and how those values reflect those of the rest of the world. I was watching this show called Life After People, and it gave me hope. The way things were going, if every human on Earth were to dissapear, right now, the world would be able to recover from all the years of damage we have inflicted on it.  I must be going, I've got things to do, people to see, worlds to save, you know, boring stuff.

Allons-y!

Return from Moordoor!

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't posted anything in AGES! I intend to fix that, as well as explain why I haven't been posting.

You see, people of the Internet, I have been fighting a very nasty cold-consumption-plauge strain which rendered me nearly useless to general population. I have gone from unable to breath from coughing, to loopy on so much medication that (were it horse trnquilizer) it would knock out a dozen horses! As much fun as this roller-coaster of a month has been, it's not even over yet.

Emotionally, this month has been kind of a mixed bag. My Knight may not be all I built him up to be. And an old face is creeping up on me again. Oh well, I guess things will all work out in the end. Sorry this was so short, I'm still on medication and therefore exhausted.

Allons-y!

Ill and Watching Really Old Movies

So, there you have it.

I went to one of the best concerts of my life on Saturday, only to contract the Plague on Tuesday! Oh well, better to have the one before the other, eh? So now I sit and watch movies from no earlier than the 80s to keep myself out of trouble Affair to Remember yesterday, Romeo and Juliet (the 1968 version), Hair, and a little bit of Exit Through the Gift Shop (which, admittedly, was made in the 2000s) today.

I've also been doing quite a bit of Facebook stalking this week. Just your average friend/ex-friend stalking. It might not be good for me, but I did do one thing good for me today so it balances out. I finally decided to stop conversing with those who will do me harm, even if they don't seek to. I have said I would before, but today I feel at my strongest resolve. There are those out and about in the world who are far better than those who I previously pursued.

Let's see, what else have I to rant about? Nothing, as of now, but prepare for more, Dear Reader.

Allons-y!!!

Seminar proves itself useful...again!

Seminar, for those who don't know, is my first class of the day. It's a sort of character building, get-you-ready-for-the-day-with-a-positive-attitude, kind of class. I think it's a good idea in theory, but it has only really spoken to me a few times. Today was one of them. As part of a financial literacy unit, we have been "married off" to other people in our class. The person I'm married to is nice enough, but not much of a help. I can tell he's going to need some growing up, but he'll turn out just fine. Maybe he needs some world view and perspective. Not saying that I don't, just that I might be a tad more mature at the moment. The whole experience is making me realize that I have yet another quality to add to my growing list of things I'll need in my man: MATURITY.

On an unrelated note, I really do need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm juggling about six ideas for careers/life paths and I have to narrow it down somehow. But every time I try, I find more interesting careers to replace and add to the list! I should put them all in a hat and draw randomly. If I'm disappointed with what I get, it doesn't go back in the hat. Then draw again, and so on and so on. When I get to the last career/life path, if it is what I really want, I'll know.  I think I'll go do that. Later Dudes/Dudetts!

Allons-y!

Feb. 1st: A Debriefing

So. Today I auditioned for Pride and Prejudice, the school play this year, and it went far better than expected! The person I read with, whom I had never previously seen act, was PHENOMENAL! And it was one of my better auditions because I was comfortable with this person. I feel like I can be myself around them. And you know what? I'm psyched for Weight Training tomorrow! I can't freaking wait! Not to mention, I did a pretty bang-up job on a presentation for US History. I think this is all a sign that the dark days are ending. *Knock on wood* I'm getting my "game" back, which is good because it is severely needed! All I need now is to find a new book series to obsess over until March when THE HUNGER GAMES COMES OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm rather looking forward to it. If you, Dear Reader, are having trouble following this disjointed gibberish, you're not the only one. My mind goes at about a million miles per hour in here. Oh! I just learned today that there are six zeros in a million. I didn't know that off the top of my head until someone told me today. You know how I almost always end my blogs with ''Allons-y!''? Well, I was thinking that maybe I'd try it in other languages and such. Perhaps even a different phrase. But I really like ''Let's go!'' It's fun! It's a challenge and an invitation! I suppose we shall see, but for now...you guessed it...

Allons-y!

To question, or not to question?

I'll see how tomorrow goes, but as of now, I'm more confused as I lay down to rest than when I rose this morning. Oh, and I've decided my next obsession is Jacob Riis, the photographer/author from the early 1900s. He wrote How the Other Half Lives to get rich people out of their bubble of superiority and see the word around them for what it was: Pretty messed up! I'd say we could use another Jacob right about now. Anyway, confusion. I have been discussing my issues with my panel of assistants in life, or in layman's terms, my friends. They have almost always differed in opinions concerning me and the best choices for me, but on this issue I have found that I am seen a different way than I could have imagined. Apparently, some people think I'm, even subconsciously, a conniving, maniacal, selfish, psychopath! Now you, Dear Reader, though you have never met me, please agree with me that I don't read like a psychopath, do I? I just don't know anymore. I'm finding myself keeping my mouth shut and shutting certain people out as of late. I have good reasons to do so, but it still feels wrong. Now there are even fewer people who will put up with me! Curses. I could do something productive with my time, but these past few weeks I just haven't felt motivated to really do much, especially academic related. I plan to attempt to make amends with my Knight in Shinning Armor tomorrow, if he'll bite. Start with a "Hey, Stranger" and go from there is my plan. That leaves it open for him to accept or decline. But I've just had it pointed out that I'm still not exactly over my last trist. Maybe I should wait until that's dead and buried a little longer. I'm so CONFUSED!! At least music is still there for me, as always. I should quit complaining, I'm still alive, aren't I?

Allons-y!

Just Monday

After a whirlwind weekend, sometimes all you really need is a quiet, restful Monday to wind down into. However, very few of us get restful Mondays! So, to lift the spirits of those who have no rest on the day of Mon, I give you: NicePeter. Look for him on YouTube, he posts new videos every Monday and he's really funny. He sings, plays guitar, and just all around makes your day better for having been in his digital presence.


Apart from the advertising, this blog has another point to it. I was searching through some history notes for interesting facts and such, as I am want to do in my regular spouts of boredom, and I noticed some things that I had either never heard or never really though about. I have a seeking suspicion that there are thousands of years worth of history that no one ever talks about, and quite frankly, it upsets me! Why should we be forced to learn what "The Man" tells us and nothing more?? I am calling for greater history education because those who do not learn their history are doomed to repeat it. I want to learn about the Golden Age of Piracy, about women struggling for independence in the American West, about the Queens of Egypt who gained unimaginable power with charm and wit, and about feminists in the 1970s and the hurdles they had to leap in order to be taken seriously. I want to learn about Rock 'N' Roll and how it changed the world forever, and I want to teach children about animals they will never see. I want my legacy to be that I left nothing undiscovered, nothing unimagined, nothing unclimbed, nothing undreamed, and no one unloved.

I got kinda preachy there, sorry about that. I was feeling it! Speaking of Piracy, I'm working on a story about two young boys who run away from home to become pirates and find out it's not all rum and doubloons. When I get more of it done, I'll post it on here. Feel free to criticize, but keep in mind that only good criticism will be listened to. I'm kidding, seriously, tell me what you think. Well, I must be off. I've got stones to turn and mountains to climb. Maybe I should have made lower expectations for myself. Oh, well, too late now!

Allons-y!

I Love the Way You Lie

So, this painfest is not the best part of my weekend. I loved someone, and now someone else loves them. That someone else thinks it's a great idea to give me details of love letters and secret vows. I hate this. All I want is to go to bed so I can get to tomorrow faster, but I'm afraid of the nightmares or worse, sweet dreams full of memories of the two of us. He was my first kiss. It was a summer romance. It was doomed from the start, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. If only I had a time machine. So much pain could be avoided. This sucks. I hope this week will bring peace and forgiveness. I can't afford to think any other way.

Finding Truth in an Antique Shop

 Everyone has that place or person they go to for answers. Mine is any place where I can find relics of the past. Museums, second hand stores, Goodwill, even used furniture places, just as long as it's quiet and dusty, I'm set. Libraries and pawn shops are great, too, but I feel sort of unsafe in pawn shops and sort of unaccomplished in libraries when I see how much there is out there that I still haven't read yet. Anyway, I got the opportunity to play around in an antique shop for a few hours today and the layers of dust and time reveled their secrets to me. They told me to live to the fullest, to treasure the small things, to remember where I came from, and to love like time is a fleeting wind. I needed to hear these things from the past, but I also need to hear from my future because I'm not quite sure I have one as of now. I'm afraid. I feel lost. But I feel a change for the better on it's way. Maybe it's the spring-like weather, but hope is coursing through my veins. The relics I saw today simply told me to give it time. Everything works out, in time.

Caught Up in You

Well, last night was rather eventful. I can't decide if I really hurt someone or just placed myself in their life to do as much good as I can. I guess I'll figure it out soon enough. I just met them this past school year and I have always had a good time with them. They're funny, smart, sweet, and kind. It's been a while since I've met someone with all of those traits at the same time. Quirky is an understatement, but their heart's in the right place. They could be my Knight in Shining Armor, if I play my cards right. We could both be setting ourselves up for ultimate heartbreak, because neither of us are what would you would call "stable." However, it's bad luck not to look on the bright side.

Driving Miss Crazy

So, I was out driving with my mother today and she was acting in a manner I had never experienced with her before. She is normally a pretty lay back parent, if a little too "safe." She doesn't like chances or risks. Anyway, I was driving just fine and the entire time she was dictating my every move! I've never seen the woman so controlling! And it wasn't as if I was driving recklessly, in fact, I was doing very well, but she was acting as if I were in danger of jerking the wheel off to the side into a tree for no reason. I could see her picturing the newspaper headline: Local Women Killed in Car Wreck. Ridiculous! And it wasn't even my first time driving with her. She just decided to sprinkle extra sugar in her Crazy Flakes this morning, I guess.

On another, totally unrelated note, I have converted yet another to The Doctor! Doctor Who, if you do not know, is a British TV show which first aired in the 60s, then came back in the late 90s after taking a break in the 80s. The show is about the adventures of an alien man who can travel through time and space in a blue Police Call box(they were common in the 60s and it stuck). The Doctor, as the alien man is called, can regenerate when he is mortilly wounded, but he looks different after each regeneration. The idea was first a radio program in the 50s, I believe. Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy once wrote for the show, putting the Doctor through his paces in adventure after adventure. The Doctor usually travels with at least one companion and she/he (but usually she) changes almost as often as the Doctor does. My aforementioned convert, Amber, has fallen almost as deeply in love with our dear Doctor as I have. Thank God/the Universe/Buddha/Jesus/Allah/The Giant Spagetti Monster/The Aliens/The Doctor for Netfilx!!